We have all heard the saying that faith can move mountains. However, when it comes to the grief journey, faith is a mountain that you have to conquer. That mountain can seem so tall, so overwhelming. The way to conquer it is to begin the journey, understand the journey will hold many challenges, and just take the first step.
The devastating loss of a loved one will catapult us down a spiral of negative thoughts and behavior. The kaleidoscope of emotions that we feel makes us even more lost in the maize we cannot escape. The gauntlet of emotions is never ending, and they continually revolve like a Ferris wheel or a merry-go-round – without the merry. These emotions make us feel:
The danger is that we also feel a sense of disconnect from all that exists in the material plane. Relationships change, and we try to cling to something that may free us from the prison of the mind. That prison is one that we have created.
Clinging To Hope
The trauma we face when loss comes calling like a thief in the night. It is often underestimated in terms of how it is received by others. No one can understand the incapacity of grief that you feel even if they have felt loss in their lives. This is because grief is very personal. Each journey of grief is personal to the individual with unique feelings and experiences. Not one journey is the same as the other, and every person experiences emotions differently than another.
For example, when my father passed, I felt numb. I had little emotion and could not shed a tear till months later when it finally happened and that hit worse than I could have ever imagined.
The Common Thread Of Grief
Consequently, there is one common thread that ties us all together. That thread is one we cling to called hope. We cling to hope that there is something in the great beyond. We want to desperately believe that we do not die and enter dark oblivion. We seek refuge and solace in dogmatic beliefs and perceptions, in the hope that we get the answers that we seek. But where is the faith and grief, or where is the faith that serves grief?
We cling to the hope that when our time comes we will be reunited with our loved ones again. We cling to the smallest detail in our minds. We also cling to the material possessions of our loved ones, believing those to be the bridge to the hereafter. However, in faith and grief, we must realize the bridge to the other side is the faith we need. We must come to know they are not gone. Often that is easier said than done.
One day, we feel good, and hope comes home to roost in our hearts like a mother bird tending her young. For a short time, we believe that there is a great beyond, and we need not fear. Then, like an uninvited guest who crashes the party, fear creeps in to steal your peace. What if it is just all a big lie and there is nothing? Was it really my husband, wife, son, or daughter? Then we start to believe the lies perpetuated by fear, and where does the fear come from – religion? Now, a religion of course serves a purpose when its underlying facets of service and love are espoused. However, what we see is more political and controlling than divinity and love. It is promulgated by the perception that only this is right and all else is wrong.
Fear Of The Nothing
What if there was nothing, why should you fear it? It would be like going to sleep at night and not waking up. You would not have any conscious experience of it. Nothing to fear – right? Wrong; the very fact that we allow the fear to creep in and upset the equilibrium means this is upsetting enough to take seriously. We have an unhealthy fear of death and the afterlife. That is because of the expectations, lies, and perceptions propounded by dogmatic belief systems. The great argument of heaven and hell – peace, and punishment have created a fire of fear that burns within our hearts. It is no wonder that grief is such a feared experience. It is because we have been taught to fear grief and all that comes with it.
Then there is the deep loss of our loved ones to contend with. What if you never said goodbye? Perhaps, you fell out with your loved one prior to their passing, which is accurate in my own case. Did you say you loved them enough, and could you have done more? Those examples are enough to cause fear to seed in your heart. To make matters worse, the grief is compounded by feelings of guilt and shame. You feel that if there is nothing, then you have failed. If only you could have a sign that it was real. If only you could have that last chance to make it right, to say farewell, and to make repatriations where necessary. If only you could have that sign from heaven.
Needing A sign
The need to have a sign from your loved ones in the afterlife life often gets out of hand so easily. It is like a drug. Once you have one good hit, you need another, and another until your life is unbalanced, and you cannot live without having constant signs. You will then fall into the pareidolia trap! This is because of the grief that surrounds you and smothers you. Your grief is almost choking the life from you. It forces you to believe almost anything. That one hit that you get makes you feel alive again, and so the cycle of suffering continues.
Life Changing Signs
Now having signs from your loved ones is life-changing. It is so comforting to have a sign from your loved one that shows they still exist, they are still alive and perhaps for that fleeting moment, you do not feel abandoned. However, it is also important to understand those signs, and how they will be shown to you or how you will become aware of them.
You will often miss the real signs from your loved ones. This is a consequence of not understanding the mechanics of the spirit or following perceptions like sheep. What one fails to see is the wolf in sheep's clothing when in fact the shepherd is your loved one calling you away from the pen that hides the wolf inside.
Then there is the question of what if it is not real, what if what I am experiencing is a lie and an illusion? You look for unequivocal proof of the afterlife, and you are desperate for 100% answers that prove to you all beyond a shadow of a doubt. Consequently, you will dive into religion and accept illusion for truth when in fact, the truth you accepted was an illusion that you were taught was truth and that illusion is different in every belief system. As a consequence, you fall into a trap of faith, which is a false trap of faith. You see what you think you have faith in only exists because of external perception. You think you have faith because you believe in a higher power given to you through dogmatic persuasion.
In truth, you lack faith because you are always doubting. If you are always doubting, then you become unbalanced, and you will espouse what your perceptions are based upon. You will perpetuate your perceptions by promoting your perceptions to others, which is wrong because you lack faith and understanding. You then cause more suffering for yourself and for others on the grieving journey. Meanwhile, your loved ones are still trying to reach you.
A Question of Faith and Grief
Jesus saith to him: Because thou hast seen me, Thomas, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and have believed. John Ch:20 Douay-Rheims
Jesus was not just talking about Thomas doubting him but was espousing the greater need for faith and how that faith does not need belief, that faith is beyond the perception of belief. It is beyond the conscious expression in the world and exists in the power of divinity of knowing and having complete trust without the need for a burden of proof.
Merriam-Webster dictionary explains faith thus:
- allegiance to duty or a person: LOYALTY
- lost faith in the company's president
- fidelity to one's promises
- the sincerity of intentions acted in good faith
- belief and trust in and loyalty to God
- belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
- firm belief in something for which there is no proof
- clinging to the faith that her missing son would one day return
- complete trust
- something that is believed especially with strong conviction
- especially: a system of religious beliefs
Faith and Grief and Disbelief
Oftentimes, we question what we may be feeling from our loved ones on the other side. This causes internal discord and results in further grief. How can it be true? “I smelled the aftershave my husband wore, it was so real and so strong.” This experience is a seed of comfort that has been sown by your loved ones. They rejoice when you become aware of the gift they have given you. However, in accordance with external perceptions, dogma, and expectations, that ego comes forward to sow doubt within you.
“Of course, it's not true, that was all in your mind, you were making it up and besides our pastor said it was evil trying to trick us.”
The very fact that you claim to have faith in your belief is a false perception because in doubting and not discerning properly, you have proven that in fact, you lack faith. In reality, you are Thomas who will only believe what he could perceive with his physical eyes in the material world. Where then is the faith and grief understanding in your journey?
So why do you lack faith in the signs you have been given, especially when those signs have a real element of evidence that comes with it? More about that later.
On the other side of the coin, you can find yourself accepting anything and everything as a sign from your loved one. This is a false sense of security, and you can find this drivel all over the internet and especially in Facebook groups. Whilst you are wowing at the latest cloud that was a sign from your loved one or believing that you and a hundred other people could see their loved ones in the waves of the sea. Your loved ones are often very near to you, showering you with real evidential signs of their presence. You miss the signs and the storytelling. Furthermore, you then deny them whilst accepting an illusion based on ignorant perceptions. In essence, you are quite simply looking in all the wrong places for answers.
Skepticism and Evidence
As I mentioned before, the signs you receive can indeed bring about so much comfort and also awaken you to the truth that your loved ones are alive and well in the other room. Nevertheless, you must have a healthy level of skepticism and not fall into a woo-woo trap of signs that are clearly not real. A real sign will be part of a story and there will be an evidential component to it. Your loved one will make you aware of the story based on your needs and that story will have an evidential pattern to it.
Let me give you an example of a real sign from your loved one, that will exemplify exactly what I mean.
Jill Needed A Sign She Did The Right Thing
Jill lost her husband during the pandemic and that loss was beyond anything she could have imagined in life. As time marched on, she found herself having to deal with so many things that her husband would have done. Chris was an avid motorbike fan and loved fast cars, bikes, and the thrill of adventure. His material possessions were left behind and Jill wanted to do something with them. His boots were important to him. They were the motorcycle boots that he always wore. Now Chris had a close circle of friends and Jill wanted to keep his memory alive by gifting his boots to one of his closest friends.
Jill felt a sense of guilt in even thinking about giving away his prize possessions. She needed to know, she needed a sign. What if she gave them away, and he was not happy about it, how would she feel then? During a communication, Chris came through and confirmed to Jill that he knew about the plans for the boots and that he was in fact delighted that she would memorialize him with his friend. Jill got her sign. The importance here is to recognize the pattern and the story within the sign.
The Cardinal Flew In
On another occasion, during some time with parents who lost their daughter, the parents had so many decisions to make. They were moving to a new home in a new state, and they were confused about what to do and whether their daughter would approve. She mentioned during the sitting that when her mum and dad were in the right house to settle into for their retirement, she would send the sign of a red cardinal.
Mum and Dad saw many houses, and they did not feel they were right, and besides, there was no cardinal. Now some of you may think they should not hold onto what was said from the other side and certainly not what I as the medium passed over to them. However, time passed, they forgot about the sign, and they were not holding onto that as the reason behind their investment.
They finally found a home and fell in love with it. They were considering whether to make an offer and the doors onto the balcony were opened. Just as they were considering, a red cardinal flew up to the doors, came in, and then settled on the balcony. They knew immediately their sign had arrived and put an offer in there and then. I still keep in touch and they are very happy at the home chosen by their daughter on the other side of life.
Don't Fall Into The Trap?
Many who are grieving fall into the trap of accepting anything and everything as a sign, which is a false dichotomy. Conversely, you need to have the story, the evidence, and the faith to be able to become acutely aware of the connections from your loved ones and to be able to validate that information. Whilst you give your power to signs that can be explained or have no pattern or evidence to it, you miss the ones right under your nose that your loved ones send you.
You cannot die for the life within you.
Here’s the reality, ladies and gentlemen. You were given the breath of life by a supreme being, and it does not matter what you label that being. There is a divine law that governs all, and the life-giving breath that gave you life animates all. You only exist because you are animated by the spirit. You cannot die in the sense that only nothingness consumes you. You are life and your loved ones continue on with the same animating force.
How else do you think your loved ones could give you real signs that contain the story and the evidence from the Otherside if they did not exist? The real lie that has been perpetuated over the years is that you will die. You cannot die for the life of you within.
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